Avoid marital money stress

Don't let spats with a spouse lead to poor financial decisions—or worse

Money can't buy you love, as the old saying goes. But it can ruin the love you have, new research warns. Forty-three percent of U.S. couples say the recession has caused them to argue more often, primarily about finances and household chores, according to a survey sponsored by PayPal, the online bill-paying service. It's little wonder that relationships are being strained along with the economy. American families haven't faced layoffs or pay cuts of this magnitude in generations. About one in 10 couples report that the role of primary breadwinner in their household has changed over the past six months, due to job losses and salary decreases, according to the PayPal survey. That power shift is pushing many couples into uncharted waters, challenging communication skills and traditional ideas about breadwinners and gender roles. It's also forcing families to make tough financial decisions in tough times.

"This is a terribly stressful time," says Olivia Mellan, a psychotherapist and co-author of "Overcoming Overspending: A Winning Plan for Spenders and Their Partners" (Money Harmony Books, 2009). "And when people are stressed, they revert to their primitive survival mode, which is never rational or logical." Arguments about money can be among the most intense because they involve issues that can threaten a couple's security, Mellan adds. That makes it harder for couples with differing money styles to work together calmly and resolve financial disagreements.

To keep your marriage from becoming another casualty of the economic downturn, create your own personal stimulus package, experts say. That includes learning some important communication techniques, avoiding common money missteps, having monthly joint "audits," making serious decisions, and working as a true team.